Tonight, I sit on my bed. TV off, but iTunes in full progress. Currently listening to Dancing by Elisa on repeat. This song always gets me in that relaxed, thinking mood. Sometimes, it's good. Sometimes, it's bad. And tonight, it's bittersweet.
I've been thinking so much about things since yesterday. I thought sleeping it off last night would've helped. Well, this morning, I woke up, saw his daily morning text, remembered my dream about us and I smiled. I went back to bed, woke up hours later, and I wasn't smiling anymore. He says I have him, he's always gonna be there, no matter the distance. But, my selfish brain says, he's not. I'm never gonna be satisfied with him, 2000 miles away. When has long distance relationships worked? Is it proven? What am I getting myself into? People probably think I'm retarded.
Then, I stop myself. Distance.. can.. fuck.. itself. I don't care. God, he's everything I ever wanted. So much better than the guys here in town or back at school. So much better than all the douchebags who wanted nothing but get into a girl's pants. So much better than bipolar assholes who constantly hurt their partner's feelings and somehow make the girl forgive them; like it's a fucking cycle. That's not normal. Or those guys who are incredibly stereotypical. A close friend of mine were talking about this: relationships and dating are like getting into a club. All girls are in line but skinny girls have VIP tickets, no matter what their faces look like or what their personality is. They get into the club, no matter what. Now, curvier girls, they're gonna be in line for a while. Eventually, they'll get into the club, they just gotta wait, and by the time they get into the club, all the guys are taken. And some curvier girls, are even denied to go in the club.
Idk why I just shared that w/ you. It was s'posed to be a secret. But whatever.. What was I talking about?
Ohhhh yeahhh..
Well, this guy I have but not have in my life?
He's a keeper. Yknw when girls say, "My boyfriend's better than yours." Well, in that case, once you get to know mine, you may wanna rethink your statement.
We'll see how everything goes. I'm done talking. There are so many jumbled thoughts. But I went off on a tangent by mentioning that club thing. I'll just lay here, pondering. He's currently w/ his friends, great company. I think it's better this way. B/c if we start talking on the phone, I might just.. go insane & have all kinds of bitter thoughts on how much I fucking want him to be here..
I've been thinking so much about things since yesterday. I thought sleeping it off last night would've helped. Well, this morning, I woke up, saw his daily morning text, remembered my dream about us and I smiled. I went back to bed, woke up hours later, and I wasn't smiling anymore. He says I have him, he's always gonna be there, no matter the distance. But, my selfish brain says, he's not. I'm never gonna be satisfied with him, 2000 miles away. When has long distance relationships worked? Is it proven? What am I getting myself into? People probably think I'm retarded.
Then, I stop myself. Distance.. can.. fuck.. itself. I don't care. God, he's everything I ever wanted. So much better than the guys here in town or back at school. So much better than all the douchebags who wanted nothing but get into a girl's pants. So much better than bipolar assholes who constantly hurt their partner's feelings and somehow make the girl forgive them; like it's a fucking cycle. That's not normal. Or those guys who are incredibly stereotypical. A close friend of mine were talking about this: relationships and dating are like getting into a club. All girls are in line but skinny girls have VIP tickets, no matter what their faces look like or what their personality is. They get into the club, no matter what. Now, curvier girls, they're gonna be in line for a while. Eventually, they'll get into the club, they just gotta wait, and by the time they get into the club, all the guys are taken. And some curvier girls, are even denied to go in the club.
Idk why I just shared that w/ you. It was s'posed to be a secret. But whatever.. What was I talking about?
Ohhhh yeahhh..
Well, this guy I have but not have in my life?
He's a keeper. Yknw when girls say, "My boyfriend's better than yours." Well, in that case, once you get to know mine, you may wanna rethink your statement.
We'll see how everything goes. I'm done talking. There are so many jumbled thoughts. But I went off on a tangent by mentioning that club thing. I'll just lay here, pondering. He's currently w/ his friends, great company. I think it's better this way. B/c if we start talking on the phone, I might just.. go insane & have all kinds of bitter thoughts on how much I fucking want him to be here..
Aww Flo. Don't think about it so much..
ReplyDeleteSure long distance relationships are hard but you know what? If you can make it work, then all the more reason for you to be happy :].
One of my cousins had a myspace girlfriend right? They've been together via internet for 3-4 years. They've met couple of times during those years and well, they got married!
I'm not saying that will happen but it's a possibility. Don't worry about it so much Flo. If it feels right, then maybe it IS right ^__^. <3
Thanks so much Nes! This comment made me extremely smiiiiiiile, like no other. Lol. Oh maaaaan.
ReplyDelete