Drive from Reno to Vegas today. 8 hours in a car seriously does wonders to me. My phone was acting up & besides there was no service. My laptop battery died after hours of listening to iTunes. I already slept a few hours & had nothing to do but stare out my window. . . & well, THINK.
I personally hate thinking. I mean, I just, yknw, do. But it sucks if you can't even do. So the only way is to think. Dear god, I'm not making sense. That's okay. I'm talking to a computer screen. Uhhhhm, it's just today, I was thinking about someone & our situation soooo much, I ended up w/ a migraine. It resulted to ExtraStrength Tylenol, closing my eyes & just try to clear up my mind.
Obviously, it hasn't worked b/c here I am resorting to blogging about my jumbled thoughts. I just don't understand a lot of things about my situation w/ him. He's always on my mind. 24effin7. And I feel no one understands me yknw? I feel alone w/ my indescribable feelings. I've never physically met him, yet I am so drawn to him. The fact that I havent met him personally, that mysterious vibe around this relationship of some sort, it's quite interesting. We webcammed, we text like hella, talk on the phone at night.. And I'm not ever uncomfortable.
And my mind, my ever unstable mind, keeps swirling. I'm immensely into him, it's not even funny. He's everything I've been looking for a guy. Buuuut, God decides to challenge me & give him to me partially. Like a burger w/o the burger. Or a cake w/o flour. Or a phone w/o a battery. It sucks. And for the past month, I've been questioning why.. why is this happening to me? Why do I get the most wonderful guy, but not all of him? What did I ever do to deserve a semi-guy.. & not the whole-thing. physically.
Yeah, I'm bitchin'. I'm whinin'. Because right now, I'm alone. No one gets me. Because everyone else has it easy. Sure, they feel the same thing as me, but they have it soooo fucking easy. Of course, I'm upset. I'm a girl, for pete's sake. But all day today, my heart was arguing w/ my mind. My heart said, "Suck it up cunt, you'll get all of him, physically, soon." Then my mind retaliated & said, "Oh yeah? For how long? He'll say goodbye & you'll be a wreck." Then my heart said, "There's always a time for that physical connection but what matters most is the emotional connection."
With that being said, my heart won. But my mind's still creepin' up on me. *Siiiiigh. :\ Once again.. I'll jst sleep it off.
I personally hate thinking. I mean, I just, yknw, do. But it sucks if you can't even do. So the only way is to think. Dear god, I'm not making sense. That's okay. I'm talking to a computer screen. Uhhhhm, it's just today, I was thinking about someone & our situation soooo much, I ended up w/ a migraine. It resulted to ExtraStrength Tylenol, closing my eyes & just try to clear up my mind.
Obviously, it hasn't worked b/c here I am resorting to blogging about my jumbled thoughts. I just don't understand a lot of things about my situation w/ him. He's always on my mind. 24effin7. And I feel no one understands me yknw? I feel alone w/ my indescribable feelings. I've never physically met him, yet I am so drawn to him. The fact that I havent met him personally, that mysterious vibe around this relationship of some sort, it's quite interesting. We webcammed, we text like hella, talk on the phone at night.. And I'm not ever uncomfortable.
And my mind, my ever unstable mind, keeps swirling. I'm immensely into him, it's not even funny. He's everything I've been looking for a guy. Buuuut, God decides to challenge me & give him to me partially. Like a burger w/o the burger. Or a cake w/o flour. Or a phone w/o a battery. It sucks. And for the past month, I've been questioning why.. why is this happening to me? Why do I get the most wonderful guy, but not all of him? What did I ever do to deserve a semi-guy.. & not the whole-thing. physically.
Yeah, I'm bitchin'. I'm whinin'. Because right now, I'm alone. No one gets me. Because everyone else has it easy. Sure, they feel the same thing as me, but they have it soooo fucking easy. Of course, I'm upset. I'm a girl, for pete's sake. But all day today, my heart was arguing w/ my mind. My heart said, "Suck it up cunt, you'll get all of him, physically, soon." Then my mind retaliated & said, "Oh yeah? For how long? He'll say goodbye & you'll be a wreck." Then my heart said, "There's always a time for that physical connection but what matters most is the emotional connection."
With that being said, my heart won. But my mind's still creepin' up on me. *Siiiiigh. :\ Once again.. I'll jst sleep it off.
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